Breaking Convention: Our Wedding Date

If you haven't already noticed, our wedding date is Columbus Day 2010, a Monday. When we went venue-searching, we definitely didn't have this date in mind. All we knew was that we wanted a daytime wedding (more on this later), the ceremony and reception to be at the same location, and to get married during the fall of 2010. October was our first choice month, because we knew that foliage would start appearing in the NY Metro area and if it wasn’t too cold, we could possibly have an outdoor ceremony. We also knew that we had a limited budget to work with. Weddings in the NY Metro area run at least double our budget, if not more (especially if you're getting married in Manhattan, which we aren't). When we first started looking for venues, I was really stressed out that we wouldn't be able to find a place in our budget that had the things we were looking for. Every venue we liked would easily suck away at least 2/3 of our budget, leaving us with very little for everything else. My mom suggested at one point that we forgo a traditional reception and do a cocktail/dessert reception instead. It was something we seriously considered for a while.

(Since reading wedding blogs, I know that there are many examples of beautiful weddings that were pulled off for much less than our budget. I wasn’t reading these blogs when our venue search started, but since then, I’ve gotten comfort in seeing that other brides were able to have the wedding they wanted with a limited budget.)

So when Steve, my mom and I went to tour our venue for the first time, and the manager told us that the rate per person would be much lower if we chose 10.11.10, we were all intrigued. We really liked the venue, had heard great things about it from other people, and it had all the perks we wanted, for less than anywhere else we'd researched. The only catch was that our wedding would be on a Monday--a holiday Monday, but a Monday no less.

We didn't sign the contract right that very second, but instead we left, drove about 10 miles away, realized we should go for it and turned right back around.

Now, I know that a lot of people wouldn't have made the same decision. What about our guests? Yes, it's a bank holiday but not everyone gets off from work. This is true. In fact, I don't even get that day off. Yup, I'll have to take a vacation day for my own wedding. But it's okay. (For me, of course, because it's my own wedding.) And for everyone else, that's what vacation days are for. I truly believe that most of the people we’re inviting (130 of our close family and friends) will take a vacation day on our wedding day, if need be. I know this because I did the same for two of my friends. In 2006, I went to a wedding on a random non-holiday Monday in July. There were a lot of people there, too, all of whom had to take that day off from work. Why did they do it? Because they loved the bride and groom and they really wanted to be part of their day. Then, this past summer, I went to a college friend’s Sunday evening wedding. It was in Newport, RI so I had to take Monday off so I could travel home the morning after the wedding. Again—I really wanted to be there so the day off from work wasn’t a big deal. Their other guests clearly felt the same way.

So far, the guests that we’ve mentioned our date to haven’t protested. Steve’s family is mostly in Boston, so they’ll travel down by Sunday, stay in the hotel near our venue that night, attend our wedding during the day on Monday, and they can travel back to Boston on Monday evening (our wedding ends at 5:30pm and it’s a 4 hour trip back to Boston by car, train or bus). If they want, they can stay an extra night and travel back on Tuesday, but it won't be necessary to do that. The majority of our guests (including all of my family members) live in the New York area, so the Monday date won’t be a big inconvenience for them.

I have moments every once in a while where I completely freak out and worry that nobody is going to come because it’s a Monday and what were we thinking when we chose this date!!?!?! But then Steve and my mom calm me down and make me realize that these are our loved ones were talking about. These are the family members that have known Steve and me since we were babies, the friends we’ve had for years, who have watched our relationship unfold. These people want to see us get married. They understand that for financial reasons, we picked an unconventional date. They love us anyway. And sure, there will likely be some guests who won't be able to make it because of the date, but it shouldn't be the majority. Just like if we were having a destination wedding, Steve and I will be even more happy and grateful to have our guests there on our wedding day because we'll know some of them went out of their way to be there. That will be their greatest gift to us.

I have to say, reading blogs like A Practical Wedding has made me feel much more confident about our choice. Yes, we're breaking convention here, but it's okay. Sometimes the wedding industry, or "Wedding Industrial Complex," puts expectations on brides that aren't always possible or desirable. And I don't want to feel bad because I'm doing something different. So, 10.11.10, here we come!